Twenty-One

So i guess thats Another Year gone,

Bye bye.

Nothing went like Plan and Everything plummed down the abyss.

No goals, no meaning, no selfesteem

The only things that stay with me are insanity and Anxiety.

“What a life” i tell myself every night, “no purpose ” and i’m goddamn right.

Nothing’s like the feeling that hits you when you’re sitting on your couch at Midnight thinking it’s your birthday, things should get better now.

But nothing changes, Year for year new excuses, new storys, new mindset, but still nothing changes.

Still a child, at least in my mind, not prepared for this world, but still i want to die.

I’m a former hollow shell of myself and i cant find the drive to push the soundtrack of my life.

Nothing makes sense anymore, everything hurts but at the same time i feel nothing.

Just an empty shell sitting here on the couch, writing this text to get along, with this ugly ass world i find myself in.

Every morning i wake asking myself if this is the day, the day i find a way out of this hole but every attempt i make of Climbing out of it, i just pummel even deeper down.

Now i feel trapped inside a black hole, watching the world fade to nothing in front of me.

I can still hear their voices shouting that it’ll be alright but there’s just no way i can respond to them.

No way out…

traped

I just feel traped

Is it normal for a boy who once had the whole world ahead of him, to get lost and never get back on track…

Every year it gets worse…

First the depressions came

Then the Sickness

Then drugs…

Whats next ?

I need a savior, but how am i gonna trust him…

It feels like taking promethazin…

Everything slows down and i cant trust anyone… not even myself…

I hate to admit it but i need help…

But im still to proud to accept it…

Sometimes i wish i could be dead

or just go get a lobotomy

Cause every single thing makes me nervous

And just the the thought of it…

I fell in love with the idea

But not yet strong enough to do it…

Someday i’ll have the courage to end it all…

Till then,

Hang in there tight!

You can still end it another time…